The way you interact with your child and how you discipline her will influence her for the rest of her life.
Choosing the right parenting style is something very important, depending of the parenting style you choose can define how your child will feel about his/herself and even how will grow and develop.
Parenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the intricacies of raising a child and not exclusively for a biological relationship.
We had heard not child is born with a instruction’s manual.
The question is, how you can handle that very delicate child in a safe way assuring that you can promote and support him/her in the integrative way?
How can the job can be done without missing anything important… well my dearest parents, remember this; asking for help sometimes is necessary.
Researchers have identified three types of parenting styles
These three styles are called the Permissive style, the strict style, and the Assertive style.
Each style takes a different approach, and can be identified by a number of different characteristics:
Permissive Style
The parents that use this style rely most of the nurture role without structure. This parent is afraid to show the child that he/she is the model and strong structure to follow at home. This list can let you know how permissive you are:
- Evading discipline issues
- Begging for cooperation
- Acting flustered (confused)
- Being unclear or indirect in your requests
- Being a martyr versus asking for what you need
- Worrying about being “liked” by your child
- Fearing that you may upset your child
- You blame yourself and take all the responsibility when a problems arise
- Being inconsistent with expectations
Negative effects
- Your child does not learn to respect you.
- He is not held accountable for his behavior.
- Proper limits are not set.
- Your child has too much power in the house.
- He does not learn to be responsible to fulfill obligations.
- He is not encouraged to learn the tasks of everyday living that he will need as an adult.
As a result, your child will not build healthy self-esteem. It also damages the relationship between you and your child.
When you use a permissive style of parenting, you do not show yourself to be “in-charge,” and as a result, your child will be less likely to turn to you for guidance in other situations in his life.
Strict/ Aggressive Style
A parent using this style refuses to listen to the child’s point of view at all and is typically harsh, angry, and cold.
Let’s check this list to find out if this is your style
- Having many power struggles
- Accusing your child of having bad intentions
- Discrediting your child’s ideas
- Tricking, teasing, humiliating your child
- Doling out harsh punishments
- Rigidly enforcing rules
- Withholding information about expectations
- Having a litany of strict rules
Negative effects
- The self-esteem of your child is damaged because he does not feel understood or supported.
- The parent-child relationship is weakened as your child would not feel that you are someone he could turn to if he had a problem.
- Children from these families often become either overly submissive or rebellious.
Assertive Style
This parent demonstrates the third style of discipline which falls in between the two extremes and is called the Assertive approach to parenting.
Parents using this approach are willing to listen and yet still hold firm so that the parent’s and the child’s needs are both basically met.
When setting limits, the parent does not get sidetracked, can provide choices, and allows the child an opportunity to participate in finding a solution.
Is this your style, check the list
- Persisting until your requests are followed
- Listening to your child’s point of view
- Giving brief reasons
- Revealing honest feelings
- Politely refusing
- Empathizing
- Setting reasonable consequences
- Accepting your need to be “in-charge”
- Not blaming your child
- Making clear, direct requests
- Having rules that are flexible
Effects:
This style is most successful because it uses a healthy balance of both nurture and structure.
- Raises your child’s self-esteem because you communicate that your child is lovable and loved and worthy of respect.
- Communicates that your child is capable of meeting the demands that life places on him – he can tolerate some frustration and he can contribute to solving the problems he encounters.
- Builds a strong parent-child relationship, as your child realizes that he can depend on you to both understand his struggles and provide guidance and support. When you use an Assertive style of parenting, your child is more likely to come to you for direction in the future as issues arise in his life.
Benefits to Children
They:
- see you as a source of support.
- have a sense of safety because rules are in place.
- feel lovable and worthy of being cared for.
- feel listened to and understood.
- develop basic feelings of trust in relationships.
- learn to be kind to other people.
- consider another person’s point of view.
- learn to tolerate frustration and disappointment.
- learn to be responsible and to make decisions.
- learn that they are capable of doing things.
- become more independent.
- learn they can tackle difficult situations.
Tips for Using an Assertive Parenting Style
Your children see you modeling assertiveness as you take care of and respect yourself and others. To use an Assertive approach:
ALWAYS
LISTEN
When your children talk about things that may bother them, acknowledge their feelings and let them know you have heard them.
Be respectful
When you discipline, you can set limits without blaming or shaming your children.
Offer genuine affection. Appropriate and regular physical affection gives kids more security, better self-esteem, and healthier emotional balance.
Model
Exhibit the behavior you would like your children to exhibit.
Understand you are a 24/7 role model. Make a deliberate choice to be vigilant about the examples you set for your kids by how you live your life. Realize that your behavior, speech and integrity are powerful teaching tools.
Give children choices
When possible give your kids opportunities to make decisions on issues that effect them. This is respectful, encourages independence, and shows you have trust in them.
Your children are more likely to cooperate when they have had a say in the decision-making.
Believe that you are the single greatest influence in your kid’s life and take responsibility for it. Believe, your role as a parent is so vital that you make your parenting a priority.
Send clear messages about your expectations
Establish clear rules using delicate discipline
Know that it is in your children’s best interest to have clear rules that are consistently enforced with persistence, love, and warmth.
Discipline and love go together; they provide kids with needed guidance, care and concern.
Use praise
Praise your children for positive behavior that you would like to see repeated
USE
Encouraging words that are positive, life giving, powerful, and memorable. They are like food for your child’s soul.
“Catch them being good.”
Plan ahead
To avoid problems, anticipate situations that might be difficult for your children. Prepare them for such times.
Follow through with discipline and consequences
Be consistent and Activate responsibility
allow for sufficient flexibility to accommodate specific situations and your unique child, provide opportunities for your children to develop responsibility and pursue healthy independence.
Some others important details.
Create a peaceful home. A peaceful home is a safe home, giving kids a shelter from the storms of life.
Create positive memories. For better or for worse, your kids will carry family memories into adulthood. Intentional parents pursue a path to ensure kids will have a flood of positive memories.
Provide serious fun. Work to nurture and model a home environment where laughter and fun is the rule, not the exception.
Let’s help our children grow healthy, independent, responsible, kind, loving and happyyyyyy people.
